Preschool days were the shit. Nap time on the reg. Juice on the reg. Barney (who was still the shit at the time) on the reg. Life was great up until Christmas rolled around and the teacher thought it’d be awesome to make every little kid look like as ass on stage so Mom and Dad could get a few laughs in and feel justified in sending you to what essentially was a professional babysitter. Still, the “cute” moments live on and I still hear about the time I fucked up in the school play and had everyone laughing their asses off. Here’s to you, Mom and Dad, for the years of repressed shame you put me through with all of those school plays and fuckups you got on tape and will never cease to embarrass me with.
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